Lance's Last Days

9 August 1988 - 12 July 2022

This is a story of the end of Lance Derrick Hembrey as we knew him. I will try to be chronologically accurate, but no promises. I am writing this for when I can't remember any more.

It started with Lance taking a shower prior to going to work. He fell in the shower and hit his neck on something. This split an artery in his neck, resulting in what is known as a brain bleed. It immediately incapacitated the right side of his body.

He managed to crawl just out of the bathroom, where he lay naked for several hours until Lindsey got home. He was supposed to pick Lindsey up at 3 PM, but she had to catch a ride with a co-worker at 5 PM. She could not reach him by phone and thought he had overslept.

When she arrived home, she discovered Lance lying on the floor. He told her, "My head hurts. I just want to lay here for a bit." This was on Thursday, and was repeated by him several times to Lindsey. He was still on the floor for Friday and Saturday, and Lindsey gave him water and a cover.

On Sunday, things changed for the worse. Lindsey said he was babbling incoherently and knew she had to call for help. She called her mother, who called 911, and then called me. I then told Jason and Jacquie, whom I was visiting in NY at the time. We later decided it was best I returned home and Jacquie managed to get me on a flight home that same day.

In retrospect, I suspect I know what Lance was thinking as he lay on the floor. He had been running himself silly taking Lindsey back and forth to work, while watching Layla and working in between. He knew he was hurt because he could not get up, but did not know how bad it was. He just wanted to lay there and get some rest until he felt better.

Later at the hospital, Lance had become coherent for a short while. He was able to state he knew where he was, his birthday, the year, and his known allergies. The staff reported that he had said, "I don't want to be here. I want to go home." However, they saw he was rapidly getting worse and decided to put him on a respirator. They then took him for a CT scan to determine the severity of his condition. They determined the prognosis was not good and immediately put him on a sedative. We later heard a sugar-coated version of their findings.

I arrived in the evening and saw that Lance was unconscious and basically unresponsive. After hearing the staff describe his condition, I knew then this was not going to turn out well, but still thinking there is still a chance. We all stayed for a while, then everyone went home to get some rest knowing I was still there. The staff told me Lance would get another CT scan early Monday morning. I later decided I also needed to get some rest. Leaving him was not easy.

Monday morning I arrived before everyone else and had a chance to talk to talk with a physician. I learned Lance's prognosis was fairly bad, reaffirming my fears. During the day, the staff performed several responsiveness tests, none of which produced positive or promising results. Layla was also present and seemed to sense something was not right. I told the family that Layla was acting exactly like Lance did at her age.

The staff came to us and said we had to decide our long-term option. The CT scan showed no improvement over the previous one. That terminated our hope that Lance could improve. The options were to move him to Hospice and long-term care on a respirator and feeding tube, or remove the respirator and see what happens.

I also want to state a LOT of family and friends (the McKenneys) were present on Monday. So many that we had to take turns visiting Lance.

We were aware that his primitive brain was keeping his body alive, and knew that Lance would be livid if we kept him hooked up to a machine. We all agreed: Remove the respirator, clean him up, and let him die with dignity. Lindsey was a mess and said I had to make the call. I was a mess too, but finally gave the word to pull the air tube out. Toughest call of my life, bar none!

Because of Layla, the family decided to leave in the evening, while I stated I intended to spend the night. At least that was my intention. Around Midnight, I noticed that Lance's readings on the monitor were fairly stable. I talked with his nurse and she agreed, but wanted to give him a shot of morphine and a sedative. We watched the monitor and saw there was little change from the hour before. After more discussion, we agreed that Lance would likely be okay until I returned in the morning. At about 12:30 AM, I decided to go home to get some rest, believing Lance was stable for now.

I was wrong! Just after 5:00 AM, Lindsey called to tell me he had passed at 4:59 AM on Tuesday, 12 July 2022. I was initially mad that I had not stayed, but then realized Lance had waited until everyone was gone before crossing over. He and I were present for Becky McKinney's passing and I suspect he wanted to spare us from his final moments.

At the time of this writing (10 Aug 2022, the day after his birthday), I still have a problem with melt-downs and it seems to be getting worse. Maybe because it reminds me that I lost Debbie a little over 8 years ago. Anyhow, I must remain strong for Jason and his family, so I will persevere.